July 18th, 2011
01:19 PM GMT
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(CNN) - As a service to entrepreneurs everywhere, this occasional column exists to identify market opportunities open to fast-moving operators. What the world economy needs at this time can be listed by sector:

Construction

A “Smart” Ceiling: Innovative construction technology required for dilapidated house in Washington. U.S. experts are warning of a risk of the roof falling in, unless a method can be found of raising the ceiling. Warning: The house’s neighbors will not tolerate any repairs that fall below their exacting standards. Those to the right object to methods that result in taxes being increased, while those to the left object to methods that result in taxes not being increased. Value of job: Available on application, but between $14.3 trillion and the entire world economy.

Finance

A loan that never needs to be repaid: A European customer experiencing issues with cash-flow and credibility – ok, Greece – seeks expertise in financial engineering. This customer’s position could be characterised as follows: We’ve tried traditional financing techniques – sell bonds, borrow money, collect taxes, pay money back – and that turned out messy. We’ve tried less traditional techniques – join eurozone, create fake books of national accounts, ask for a bailout, sack the public sector – and a lot of people got very angry.

Now, where’s the blue-sky thinking, where are the number whizz-kids, who can create the ultimate financial product? Work out how we can put it together, and we’ve even got a name already made for it: Greek International Financial Token, or G.I.F.T. We see the funding for this probably coming from a major north European centre, most likely a leading eurozone capital … what, Berlin, you say? Well why not? Value of contract: $150 billion right away. Probably another $150-$200 billion in a year’s time, or however far down the road we can kick the can.

Software

The “Fond-Farewell” App: Customer-orientated programmer wanted to create crisis-management application to fill a pressing need in the media/public relations space. The requirement is for automatically generated press releases lavishing mutual praise on outgoing and/or surviving media executives in the case of sudden termination of employment.

Press release template A, for example, should offer an assessment of the departing employee thus “[Executive Y] has been one of the outstanding editors of her generation”, while template B – which must be generated and released to the public the instant press release A has been reported – should offer the victim’s heartfelt appreciation of the qualities of the axe-wielder thus: “[Executive Y] is an inspirational leader who has shown me great loyalty and friendship. And his father isn’t as bad as everyone says [this part is optional, please note]”. Value of contract: Subject to executive’s severance package.

Stop Press: Regrettably, we understand the last of these three market opportunities has in fact just closed: such software already exists, and is being trialled at News International.

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Filed under: Business


soundoff (6 Responses)
  1. lolface

    I would like a republican party that doesnt violate their oath to office for private interest groups.

    July 18, 2011 at 4:39 pm |
  2. That'snotTrue:[

    .................................Pay your debts first.

    July 18, 2011 at 6:28 pm |
  3. AP

    It does not matter who is in office. Living and raising children in the US is pointless. Productive people are regulated and taxed by lawmakers who do not not know what work is. America would be a lot better off if congress went the way of Jonestown. Instead, they expect us and our children's children's children to drink the cyanide.

    July 19, 2011 at 7:11 am |
  4. Ahmad Norzai

    Hello for your all and Mr.PRESIDENT BARAK OBAMA i have jus a question from you and CNN tv
    Why Mr.Barak Obama wants withraw their forces from afghanistan country in the next year
    us i know the afghanistan is day by day improve by american and their forces and there is no found problem up to this time now?

    if american withraw from american i am sure afghanistan will again backward

    i hope american forces be for always in afghanistan and no find problem

    america is best

    July 19, 2011 at 8:22 am |
  5. Tewania Harris

    Dear: Mr.Obama
    Hi !
    I'm writing concerning our Debt & Deficit, I would suggest raising the Debt Ceiling for Now? just to get us over this crisis we're in once it's passed then Start Slashing from the total of this Bill ! At All Cost, still reducing spending, living within
    our means, That Don't Change? Evverything's being held-up waiting on this Debt Ceiling Compromize Deal, Evverybody's waiting in the wings, Jobs, Spending, Evverything on Hold.

    July 19, 2011 at 12:08 pm |
  6. antireligion

    Great job Adrian. I love the sarcasm. I can appreciate the frustration here as it is dumb that we have a pre-school group of politicians that don't know how to share because their parents neglected to teach them. And as we are seeing they are more than happy to DEFAULT on their obligations to the US citizens in areas such as social security and medicare. If leading by example is a philosophy that they claim to live by then we should all default on our obligations to credit companies and the IRS. I mean if the federal government can not pay Social security in this last ditch effort to extend the time period in order to continue arguing over who gets to play with the train set I say we follow their example and just stop paying taxes and tell them "Well if you can do it why can't I??"

    July 19, 2011 at 7:04 pm |

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